Well, if nothing else, I have certainly confirmed at least one thing to myself this week as a single lady – I cannot cook! I also made up for any lost time on the dance floor over the weekend, fuelled by 5 too many glasses of vodka-soda. Still paying for it! hmmm…What else?… That feeling of loneliness that would set in each night at around 8pm has slowly started to subside, replaced by peace of mind. Sebastien & I only spent 2 nights together since my last post, but somehow managed in that time to have enough sex for each day of the week. But we still haven’t caved. We are still separated, & I am actually starting to believe myself when I say I think we can do this!
When people ask me what the best piece of advice I have ever been given is, I always answer with the same two statements; “The only constant in life is change” & “Live in the now”. Both of which have got me through every hard time in my life since. The hardest of situations so far being the aftermath of an extremely emotionally abusive relationship in my early 20’s, my dad passing away shortly after that, & most recently of course, my separation from Sebastien after 9 amazing years together.
I do realise this is not a ground breaking concept. Most religions touch on “the power of now” in their own words & I’m sure many of you have read books by Eckhart Tolle on the topic.
But how often do we truly dedicate time to nowness? A complete & utter “fuck you” to past & future. A hush to the buzzing of the mind. Freedom from its worry & ruminating, self-consciousness & anxiety.
Life unfolds in the present, but we spend most of those fleeting moments in another time, a time that doesn’t exist. We let the present slip away, allowing time to rush past unobserved & unseized. We live in a world that bombards us with distractions making being present all the more difficult.
Of course there are times when we need to plan, set goals & reflect, but my happiest moments, as I’m sure yours are too, have always been ones where I am completely in the moment. Laughing uncontrollably with my daughter at another fucked up dinner attempt. 4 hours on the dance floor on a Saturday in sweaty spandex pants. Time with Sebastien that feels more meaningful & spesh than ever. Sitting in bed right now at 11pm in my pink fluffy robe writing this, grateful for this platform & your time. Eyes beginning to get super heavy.
I’m gonna let author Jay Dixit take it from here.
“Living in the moment—also called mindfulness—is a state of active, open, intentional attention on the present. When you become mindful, you realize that you are not your thoughts; you become an observer of your thoughts from moment to moment without judging them. Mindfulness involves being with your thoughts as they are, neither grasping at them nor pushing them away. Instead of letting your life go by without living it, you awaken to experience. Focus less on what’s going on in your mind & more on what’s going on in the room, less on your mental chatter & more on yourself as part of something.
Here’s the most fundamental paradox of all: Mindfulness isn’t a goal, because goals are about the future, but you do have to set the intention of paying attention to what’s happening at the present moment. As you read the words printed on this page, as your eyes distinguish the black squiggles on white paper, as you feel gravity anchoring you to the planet, wake up. Become aware of being alive. & breathe. As you draw your next breath, focus on the rise of your abdomen on the in-breath, the stream of heat through your nostrils on the out-breath. If you’re aware of that feeling right now, as you’re reading this, you’re living in the moment. Nothing happens next. It’s not a destination. This is it. You’re already there.”