Creative bi-polar

I’ve been meaning to start posting up here again for a while & have now saved several draft posts that I never pushed live since my first personal blog entry just over a year ago in which I attempted to explain my break up with my then-husband, partner of 9 years (click here to view). A lot has changed since then! Actually, as it turns out when you get married in Vegas & fail to file the paperwork correctly in your home country (in my case, Australia), you were never really married at all. So on top of the perfect ending to a great story & partnership, we saved ourselves a bunch of paperwork & hassle, which for both of us would have been the second round of divorce headaches. Yes, I was married before that too! I want to tell you all about my first marriage, I do, that one is for a later date. For now, I really want to get back to “Fuck it”.

The reason I have never pushed a blog entry live since my first one is because I am nervous about the reaction. The internet can be a scary fucking place. I first learnt how mean this space could be when my sham vegas wedding photos went viral & all the bored c-words with wifi decided to leave nasty comments. It only took a day or two to become immune to the effects of their toxic shit trails, but that niggly inner dialogue never entirely left me. The one that worries about what other people think & stops me from doing shit, like writing about things that matter. Too many of us value the opinion of other people more than our own & I never thought that was me until every time I tried to click publish on one of my personal posts.

Moving forward, I am all about “fuck it”. Imma take a leaf out of the internet troll book & write my thoughts up here without fear of reaction. I am dedicating this space to share my own creative journey & the effects it has on my life – all of the good, all of the bad & everything I learn along the way – with complete transparency & the hopes that you reading it might feel even just a little bit better about the fact that you are broke af too sometimes. Maybe you search up ‘Bi-polar’ on the internet every now & then since these creative highs & lows are so fucking extreme. Perhaps you are tired of chasing that free-lance money or feel exhausted from the hustle in general. If you are in fashion, maybe you are torn between making ends meet & working with labels that aren’t fair trade or conscious creators. Whatever it is you are feeling, I can guarantee that you are not alone. We (your fellow creatives) feel you homies! It’s time to open up & share our stories so that we can inspire each other to continue on in our creative journeys. Because all the shitty shit that comes with living life as a professional creative pale in comparison to the thrill & sheer joy that comes from creating.

Guys, I have to cut this short. It’s getting late & I have to speak on a panel this time tomorrow night alongside 4 fashion industry heavyweights. I need some sleep so I’m not dumb as shit up there.

Ains x

“The whole difference between construction & creation is exactly this; that a thing constructed can only be loved after it is constructed; but a thing created is loved before it exists”.

-Charles Dickens



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