Shitty Interview No.106
Super Slutty Snake is a globally respected ‘memeologist’, specialising in every aspect of high society & must-have starter packs.
Sticks & Stones: Is Trump real or a meme?
Super Slutty Snake: Trump is the bloated orange personification of meme culture. He literally cannot be real, considering every word that comes out of his mouth & every bizarre gesture from his micro-hands is immediately digitally immortalised in meme. I actually love him, he provides me with so much entertainment & his pictures are great blank canvasses to fuck with.
Sticks & Stones: What is the worst thing in the world?
Super Slutty Snake: When you agree to make plans with someone you definitely don’t like because you’re a weak human. Then when it comes to the day you actually need to go meet that person, you sit deliberating whether it’s too rude to cancel until you eventually waste so much time that you need to cancel & consequently come up with some shitty excuse like “ahh shit, came down with a dry cough & can’t taste shit, probs corona. Sorry.” JUST SAY NO.
Sticks & Stones: Who’s your favourite B-list celebrity?
Super Slutty Snake: Not really very clued up on this shit, but maybe Scott Disick? He’s such a smug looking prick & talks like he’s just inhaled a helium balloon, but love his dress sense & his house is dope. Plus, imagine being a part of that family circus for so long & not having a full-on Britney-scale mental breakdown. Gotta give Scott props, he’s an opportunist middle-class dude with great hair & he rode the wave of those crazy silicone-ass chicks & made himself rich.
Sticks & Stones: What’s the best sport to play drunk?
Super Slutty Snake: Absinthe pong
Sticks & Stones: How many fingers can you fit in your mouth?
Super Slutty Snake: Thanks. Now I have dribble all over my MacBook Pro.
Sticks & Stones: It’s your last day on earth, who are you kissing?
Super Slutty Snake: I would jump in a time machine & play tongue tennis with peak 1990’s Cindy Crawford.
Sticks & Stones:what are you afraid of?
Super Slutty Snake: The sea, when you can’t see to the bottom. I suffer from PTSD after a major octopus related incident as a young child. Every time I’m in dark water, I’m convinced that the love child of Jaws & a gigantic piranha will just spring up out of the abyss & eat my leg. Hence why I stick to shallow Greek water and the Reethi Rah, Maldives.
Sticks & Stones: Were you expecting 2020 to go like this?
Super Slutty Snake: Yes, I did a ton of ayahuasca last year at Burning Man with a 4ft 2 Lithuanian mongoose oracle-shaman dressed in a lime green velvet Juicy Couture tracksuit. He was smoking an adorable little pipe & had cute Hotel du Cap slippers on; his scent was cinnamon & his tone was soothing. He broke out into Lithuanian traditional song & decreed, via the medium of pop & lock dance, that 2020 would be an ‘annus horribilis’.
Sticks & Stones: Name three things you love
Super Slutty Snake: Mykonos, techno, yellow-tail jalapeno.
Sticks & Stones: Does the world need more selfie sticks?
Super Slutty Snake: That’s like asking: does the world need more syphilis?